A dear friend posted this a few weeks ago and it provoked a lot of thought. Was I someone that actually felt deeply or did I just perceive myself that way because I thought it was a quality I wanted to possess. Did I even understand what it truly meant to feel deeply? I was unsure.
However, the next day I found myself standing in the cemetery with my mother. The snow had finally melted and we could find Paige. We cleared off the stone and carefully placed our flowers and the tears flowed. She would have been 6 years old just days before. Six, what an age. She would have been so full of life. Instead she wasnt even with us for 9 months. Standing there brought back so many memories, so much pain. As I cried I realized that I know that curse all too well. I know exactly what it is to love someone so deeply that years later you can still feel that aching hole. To care so much that you will do anything to try and help someone have a life.
Last night my little sister who coincidentally is six, her and Paige would have been great friends, was reading to me. As she flew through book after book I was in awe. She will be the only one in her home that can read at this point. It meant so much to us to make sure she could read before she went home. And to see the joy in her eyes and my mothers meant the world. To know that we are changing her life in a way she wouldnt have had opportunities otherwise is monumental.
It is a blessing to love someone so much that they mean everything to you. To be spending a life with someone that I truly love. But I also am so acutely aware of the pain that comes when you lose someone that you love that much. I am really grateful I know that sting though. It has taught me that I can love. And that I do love, deeply.