Freshman year of college I knew my housemate was watching the Grudge at a friends one night. So I kindly waited under her bed until she came home and proceeded to grab her ankles when she approached her bed. This was appreciated much less by her than it was by me.

All of this remembering came about today as I was driving to work following the pace of traffic and then was cut off and shown many hand gestures indicating I should not have been driving at such a pace. I must admit I was over the posted limited, however, their upset was that I was much too slow. After they managed to pass the rest of the traffic going my pace I realized that I was in fact not driving 40 km over the limit and therefore was much too slow for the speed they had chosen for their commute. This left me arriving at work feeling annoyed that someone would try and demean me when I felt I was not in any wrong. Instead of my usual stewing I resolved to let it go. Once I got out of the car that was it. The day would continue not on a bitter not but as if nothing occurred.

You see, I am someone that takes things to heart. Too much so. I let others actions affect me far too much. In the past when I have heard rumours about myself I have been cut. I want to go to the source and fix things and I want to smooth things out. Or I hold frustrations and grudges. Like the girl that bullied me in elementary school, when I saw her again in High School (we went to different middle schools) I hated her. I hated her for her lack of acknowledgement that she made elementary school really difficult for me. I wanted everyone to hate her because deep down I knew she was evil. This did me no good.

So as much as I am the person that holds on to ridiculous things Jeff is not. He doesnt waste time fretting about things that are irrelevant and he doesnt take offence easily at all. He is much more relaxed than I am. So I have been trying to develop that quality. To stop stressing about the minute, ridiculous things and to move on.

I dont think life is long enough to waste time harbouring resentment or stress over situations that either dont matter or that we have control to change. Either change the problem or move on. Although, it is hard. I am so incredibly good at stressing and worrying it is almost stressful to not be that way! Letting go is a feeling so foreign that it makes me wonder why I think I can just move on. But I can. I am realizing I dont have to continually be hindered or burdened by others, but their actions, by things I cant change. I just need to be the person that is stronger than that. The one that defies rumours by actions. I am really working on letting grudges go and I think it is really cathartic.


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