It is strange to me that we have a day about a man  named Saint Valentine when it seems as if so little was known about him. And as it goes he may not have been one man but two whom stories have centered around. One legend is that he was a bishop, he was tortured and killed in Rome on February 14th 273. One story has it that before he was executed he healed the jailers daughter who was blind and then he left a note that said "your valentine". They say he was a martyr. But I still do not understand how the holiday appears. And I am okay with that. 

As much as this day surrounds love and romance that isn't entirely where this is going. Today and it's coming has brought a lot of emotion to the surface. Last night I called my little brother and sister on my way home as I knew they would be with their other family tonight so I wanted to make sure they knew I loved them and was thinking of them. My little brother, two and a half years old, wanted to make sure that I would be his valentine. You cant turn out a handsome black man. So my valentine he is. As our conversation ended the kids kept yelling in the phone "I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU TO THE MOON AND BACK". There is no love like the love of a child. Sorry Jeff, I have another valentine. Awkward.

So all of this got me thinking of other children that I have been blessed to love. And with family day coming on Monday I mean there is nothing to think about besides love and family. So I decided it was time for me to return to the cemetery to see a sister I love dearly. She passsed several years ago now, but I remember so much about her and her funeral, and the aching pain I felt with each tear as I stood next to her grave. So it's time to go back. To pay respects and to remember. So as I was working on finding the exact location so I wouldnt be spending ages being lost in a cemetery it reminded me of my first love. My first true love. She was a new born. I was 14. I came home and there she was. And the next year of my life was around her. I remember the first time she tried food, and sneezed it all over our mother. And watching her learn to crawl and to walk with our help. She was perfect. And it has been many, many years since I stood in the doorway crying as they took her away. As blood was decided to be thicker than love. And it was the first time in my life I knew loss. I remember all the things we did to try and take our minds off of losing her but when you love and lose there will always be a sting.  So amidst my grave searching and pondering of all the children I have loved I found myself looking on facebook. And my first love is there. She is so much older now and not the tiny baby I held in my arms and fed and put in the snuggly so we could go for walks after school. She is so different and likely will never know she lived with me. She will probably never know how much I love her. But that doesn't change it. I will always love her.

So as I woke up this morning to a gift from Jeff that was a beautiful plaque/ home decor that said "I Love You to the Moon and Back", I realized that he understands the way I love. And I will always love him. Even if I said I would be a little black boys valentine. 


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