There are so many things I am sure Jeff wishes he knew before he ended up being married to me. Many of these things involve the night. I am notorious for having very vivid and extreme nightmares. I also have frequent conversations in my sleep which I remember nothing of and do not lay still, ever. Regardless, Jeff has not given up on me yet.
I know it may seem ridiculous but this actually explains a lot about how understanding he is. You see, it turns out I can be really mean when I sleep talk. This was news to me. But I cant deny it as I have no recollection and my family has soo many stories of my sleep conversations. Sorry about that one family trip I kept screaming numbers in my sleep guys, my bad. Lately, I have been waking up to hear about my evening conversations. One night I appeared to wake up and I looked at Jeff and told him that I wished he had more redeeming qualities. Harsh. And the other night he got up to pee and I was like " where are you going?" "Why" "Well you better hurry up". I apparently had several concerns about his departure. And when he returned I was covering the whole bed. I am not even a large person but I can easily take up a queen size bed. Example, yesterday Jeff woke up and my hand was on his forehead. Sorry. Or there was the night I woke him up and asked him why he was awake. He responded with you just woke me up. I was like oh. And just laid back down. I remember none of this. Ever.
However, I remember my dreams. They usually are about people trying to kill me. This happens a lot. Although, recently I thought I woke up and left the room and tripped over a dog that apparently belonged to the neighbours but would come in a dog door in our basement and sleep outside our room at night and eat our food and leave during the day. This was confusing when I actually woke up and opened the door and there was no dog. Jeff had no idea what I was talking about. But he remembered that it seemed important to me. So the other night when I was having the most miserable day ever he came into the room and shut the door and said, don't worry the dog wont come in tonight.
We dont have a dog. Or a dog door. Or an animal that sneaks into our home and sleeps outisde the room. But it sure felt like we did and instead of remarking on how crazy I sound Jeff just accepted it and went along as he knew it would help me sleep.
Marriage isnt about being right or having the cleanest house or looking like you are in love to other people. It is about understanding who you are with, accepting them and loving them regardless. It is sitting on the floor with them on the low days and reminding them that you still love them. And it is celebrating the way they want on the successful days.
I know I have so much to learn but I am really grateful that I found someone that understands that at night I am a sociopath. And he loves me regardless. I cant promise that I will stop being judgemental and condescending in my sleep but I will work on that.
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